In general, it can be difficult for children to handle changes. For kids with mental health disorders, change can be even more challenging. At Highland Hospital, in Charleston, West Virginia, we provide mental health treatment for children and adolescents and family support for their loved ones.
What Makes Change Difficult for Children
Even adults sometimes have a hard time handling change. If you take a child’s perspective, it may be easier to understand why they might struggle to adjust to changes:
- Limited knowledge/understanding of the world around them, which can make it harder to understand why change is necessary.
- Lack of control over their situation, meaning that they don’t get to make a lot of choices, but still experience the consequences of choices that are made on their behalf.
- Limited vocabulary, to be able to express their concerns to the decision-makers in their life, which may result in unpleasant behaviors, as a means to express unhappiness and fear.
- Adults sometimes fail to offer the necessary information that can provide reassurance.
Handling Routine Changes
Minor changes, like transitioning from one activity to the next or having a different activity on a certain day of the week, can be made easier for kids by using these techniques:
- Provide structure and routine where possible. Children do better when they know what to expect, and they may be more willing to roll with a change if everything else is familiar.
- Talk about changes in advance. Don’t wait for your child to get upset about a change. Plan a direct discussion about what is changing, why, and what impact it will have on your child. Sesame Workshop has a printable activity that families can complete together called “What Changes and What Stays the Same?” This worksheet can be used to facilitate the conversation.
- Give them time to ask questions and process their feelings with you. Validate how they are feeling, whether they are excited, afraid, angry, or indifferent to the change. Give them space to change how they feel as the change occurs.
- Create a visual schedule. For small children, this might include pictures to represent the upcoming change. Older children might like to be involved in creating visuals.
- Focus on connection. Your relationship with your child is an important tool that they can utilize to manage stress and change. Make time for regular one-on-one activities and conversations.
- Don’t underestimate the importance of rest, nutrition, and physical activity. These are all tools that can help your child handle difficult emotions and cope with change.
- Model stress management. You’ll be better able to handle caregiving responsibilities if you aren’t stressed out, and your child will pick up on how you’re feeling and what you’re doing to handle the situation. Children are very gifted mimics, so this could be a good opportunity to teach them some grounding techniques.
Managing Bigger Changes
The techniques listed above can also be used to handle bigger changes, but it might be necessary to repeat some steps, as more information becomes available, or the child asks more questions. Some big changes that might be especially hard for children include:
- Moving
- Changing schools
- A friend relocating
- A new sibling joining the family
- Death of a loved one
- Divorce
- Remarriage
External Changes
Sometimes, as in the case of the COVID-19 pandemic, the changes that are happening extend beyond your own family and may be outside your own control. In these instances, it may be helpful to:
- Limit your child’s media exposure. There is a tendency for breaking news to be sensationalized for maximum audience engagement, and this can increase viewer anxiety significantly by exposing them to things that are not age-appropriate or even accurate.
- Talk to your child about the event. You might prefer to shelter them, but being the one who shares information with your child can ensure that they receive the information they need and can process it more easily.
- Stick to the facts. Often, people have emotional reactions to big events, but now is not the time to become overwhelmed by speculation or exaggeration.
- Be consistent. It’s worth repeating the importance of keeping your child’s routine as consistent as possible. Instead of focusing on the things you cannot control, take control of the areas where you can provide consistency.
At Highland Hospital Behavioral Health, we serve children ages 9 to 14 who require psychiatric services. This includes helping them process trauma and stress, as they develop the coping skills to manage their mental health conditions.
