If you love someone who has struggled with mental illness or addiction, and who is now in recovery, you might sometimes wrestle with how best to support them. At Highland Hospital Behavioral Health in Charleston, West Virginia, we offer treatment for people who are struggling with substance use and mental health disorders. We have seen how beneficial the support of family and friends can be for our patients, so we encourage you to stay involved in your loved one’s life.
If mental illness and addiction are unfamiliar areas for you, or if you grew up in an environment where these matters were handled poorly, you might be particularly unsure how to proceed. You can start with the following:
- Empathize and validate. Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Their feelings are legitimate, even if you don’t feel the same way and you don’t have to pretend like you share their opinion, just recognize how they see things.
- Recognize addiction and mental health disorders as diseases. These conditions are not moral failings or signs of weakness. They are complex medical issues that require understanding and care, not judgment.
- Learn about their symptoms. Familiarize yourself with the symptoms of their condition, keeping in mind that these behaviors are not directed at you personally. Understanding their symptoms can help you respond with compassion rather than frustration.
- Educate yourself on their diagnosis and treatment. Learn about their diagnosis, treatment options, and potential side effects. This knowledge can help you empathize when they seem irritable or resistant to certain treatments. While you may not agree with every choice they make, understanding their perspective can foster patience.
- Be patient with the recovery process. Recovery isn’t linear or tied to a specific timeline. While some people recover quickly without setbacks, many experience relapses along the way. Your belief in their ability to recover can be a powerful motivator for them to keep going, even after setbacks.
- Encourage additional support. You don’t have to—and shouldn’t—be their only source of support. It’s essential to prioritize your own rest and self-care. Encourage them to seek help from support groups, therapy, spiritual communities, hobbies, or other trusted friends and family. If their condition has deeply affected you, consider attending counseling to process your own feelings and build resilience.
- Allow room for growth and change. As your loved one moves forward, they may realize they need to change how they interact with others and the world around them. Their sober life might involve redefining who they are, which can be an adjustment for you. Support their growth by embracing the person they are becoming and the healthy choices they’re making.
Understanding Radical Acceptance
It is important to understand the difference between loving and accepting your loved one, versus enabling unhealthy behavior. Radical acceptance is a term that refers to accepting the painful reality of a situation, without judgment, rejection, or fighting the emotions you feel about the situation itself. Radical acceptance is a great concept to apply to yourself and to people you love. When radical acceptance is applied to a person in recovery, this might mean understanding that:
- Relapse is sometimes part of recovery
- Your loved one is going to have good days and bad days
- The recovery process looks different from one person to another
- It may take time for the person you love to understand the pain they caused you while they were in active addiction or were not managing their mental health condition, so you may not get an apology right away, or ever.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Accepting these difficult truths does not mean that you allow someone to walk all over you, that you make excuses for their behavior, or that you participate in their unhealthy choices. At the same time that you accept where the person is, you also have the right to set limits for what you will allow to happen in your relationship with them.
Setting boundaries is essential when it comes to behaviors that are
- Dangerous
- Harassing or abusive
- Exploitative or manipulative
- Disrespectful
- Beyond your comfort level or emotional capacity to handle
Seeing Beyond the Diagnosis
One of the most helpful ways you can support your loved one with a behavioral health diagnosis is to continue seeing them, first and foremost, as your friend or family member. Their condition does not define them, any more than a person would be defined by having diabetes, asthma, or any other chronic health concern. The person you love is still there, even with this label attached to them, and they need a strong, loving community as much as ever.
Some tips to show your support include:
- If the two of you are huggers, keep giving them hugs.
- If you used to play a sport or go to the movies together, keep doing that or start again.
- Just as you might ask them how they were doing after a life-altering medical diagnosis, it’s okay to ask after a behavioral health diagnosis too.
- Understand that there could be physical symptoms associated with their mental illness or substance use disorder and that these could be frustrating to deal with. Stomach problems, headaches, and soreness are just a few of the symptoms they might have.
- Continue to invite them to gatherings and special events.
At Highland Hospital Behavioral Health, we offer personalized treatment for substance use and mental health disorders. Our patients receive trauma-informed, evidence-based care, in state-of-the-art facilities and we work to integrate their natural support systems into their treatment whenever possible.
